Meet Rufus, Your Terrible Skyrim Son
Imagine you have finished almost everything there is to do in Skyrim. Dragons are dead, vampires handled, side quests cleared, map icons all turned that satisfying completed white. What is left when you have beaten the game a hundred different ways?
For one player, the answer was simple. Parenting.
The article follows a player who installs a Skyrim mod called Fat Idiot Son. The mod promises more realism and challenge by dropping an 11 year old, useless, stubborn child into your world. His name is Rufus, and he is supposed to be your son from some long forgotten fling.
You activate Rufus with a big lever behind Honningbrew Meadery. Hover over it and the message pops up: Enable Your Fat Idiot Son. The mod warns you that once you pull the lever, Rufus is in your game forever. No uninstalling him from your life. No take backs.
Instead of appearing next to you, Rufus is immediately a problem. A robed woman sprints across a nearby bridge, in this case chased by a sabre tooth tiger, and tells you that a coven of witches has kidnapped your son. Before you even meet him, the game turns this into a rescue mission.
The player decides this will be Rufus’ first test. Break him out, let him join the fight, and start molding him into a proper adventurer. That heroic plan lasts about five seconds.
When the cage is opened, Rufus refuses to act like a budding hero. He just stands in the cage, nose pressed into the rocks, occasionally yelling Hey while his mother slaughters about thirty witches alone. When he finally turns around, all he can say is Woah a dead body over and over as the cave echoes with his clueless commentary.
The dream of raising a competent heir is already slipping.
Combat Training, Vampire Parties, And Total Chaos
Outside the cave, the player tries to figure out what Rufus can actually do. He stands like he is holding a torch but his hands are empty. He will not obey basic commands. When asked to do something he complains. When asked to trade he just takes money. When told they should part ways he laughs and refuses to leave.
The last option is to ask him to wait. Instead, the chubby 11 year old with a tiny wooden sword declares he is off to join the Stormcloak Rebellion and sprints into the distance like a child shaped comet. The only way to stop him is to shoot him with a dragonbone arrow until he tumbles into a cairn and calms down. This is not exactly a healthy mother son relationship.
Still determined to turn Rufus into a warrior, the player hunts for a fresh dungeon and lands on Bloodchill Cavern. It sounds like a perfect trial by fire. Instead, it turns into something completely different thanks to the Anniversary Edition content.
Bloodchill Cavern is actually a weird vampire dinner party in a creepy mansion. The host is already dead and has invited everyone because he secretly hated them. The obviously suspicious guests turn out to be vampires, a huge gargoyle spawns, and the whole place explodes into chaos.
Rufus’ contribution to this dramatic moment is to get backed into a corner and repeatedly uppercut the giant gargoyle. It goes about as well as you would expect. Everyone dies, including most of the guests. An orc shows up, casually hands the player 1,500 gold, and tells them to keep the mansion. The son is left ragdolled on the floor and the player is left more annoyed than proud.
Adventuring and fighting are clearly beyond this small disaster of a boy, so his mother tries a different life skill. Crime.
In a city, she crouches by a fountain and orders Rufus to steal a bottle of wine from a nearby shop counter. To her surprise it works. The shopkeeper just watches him walk off with the goods and does nothing. The boy has found one thing he can do.
Then comes the mistake. The player misremembers how Skyrim’s command system works. She thinks pointing Rufus at an NPC while sneaking will order him to pickpocket them.
Instead, Rufus pulls out his wooden sword, screams Die and charges a rich citizen named Aquillius Aeresius. Guards panic, the entire city goes on alert, Aeresius’ wife starts screaming, and the man himself runs for his life while an 11 year old repeatedly chops at his back.
With the guards busy attacking the Dragonborn, Aeresius never fights back. He just begs for mercy as Rufus slowly beats him to death. It is horrifying and a tiny bit impressive. This ends up being Rufus’ only real kill for the entire experience.
By now the street is covered in guard corpses, Aeresius’ wife is frozen in shock, and only a few soldiers remain. There is a moment when it seems like mother and son might somehow escape.
Rufus, drunk on his first victory, charges the last guard, yelling Surprise. The guard responds by instantly dropping him with a perfect arrow to the head. Rufus pops back up like nothing happened, tries again, and even attempts a flying scissor kick. The guard casually swats him out of the air and leaves him face down in the dirt.
At the end of all this, the player admits what has become clear to everyone. She is not a good parent. Yet that is exactly what makes this story so funny and so relatable.
Why This Mod Story Is So Fun
The magic of this article is not just the chaos. It is how perfectly the mod captures a specific kind of comedy that only games can deliver. You start with a heroic idea. You imagine slow growth, heartfelt moments, a powerful arc for your character and their kid. The reality is an 11 year old who refuses to listen, runs to join a questionable rebellion, face tanks a gargoyle, accidentally murders a noble in the street, and keeps getting one shotted by city guards.
It is also a reminder of why Skyrim mods are still such a goldmine so many years later. You think you are installing a neat little realism tweak. Instead, you get a full on parenting sitcom where every system in the game collides with your expectations in the worst possible way.
Rufus never becomes the hero his mother dreamed of. He never outshines her, never turns into a legendary warrior, and barely functions as a follower. But as a source of ridiculous stories and unforgettable moments, the Fat Idiot Son delivers exactly what it promises. A new level of realism, depth, and challenge. Just not the kind you expected.
Original article and image: https://www.pcgamer.com/games/the-elder-scrolls/skyrims-hardest-quest-is-raising-my-fat-idiot-son/
